Things I am Afraid to Tell You

Yesterday I ran across a tweet by Mayi of Heartmade thanking another for her honest blog post Things I’m Afraid to Tell You. I was intrigued and started digging. What I found is divine and speaks to a real tender spot for me – outing the fantasy perfectionist version of reality from blogs. Bring back the real. Slow the race to keep up with the Joneses and shine as the true, flawed, luscious creatures we are.

Ez of Creature Comforts came up with the idea of a blogging challenge, for anyone wanting to sign up.

Here goes.

Things I’m afraid to tell you.

+I suffer from chronic depression. It runs in the family. I just started taking happy pills to help.
It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.
(I haven’t even told my Mom.)

+I find it difficult to walk away from a ‘gossipy’ conversations.

+I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and have no real plan.
And I worry about money too much.

+I am afraid to share photos of my family on the blog. The ‘wackos’ scare me.
I am still finding my balance with how much is too much to share.

+I am not the least bit confident in my blogging/photography/yarn/etc. abilities.
I know that contributed to the shop closing.

+I feel the most ‘me’ when I am flippant and nonchalant.
Some days it is real work to be chipper and give a damn.

+I am terrified of being  accountable to someone else.

+I don’t remember the last time I knit.
I remember a time when I couldn’t imagine me not knitting.
The magic is lost.

+I hate to clean more than is probably normal.
But I tidy up when I’m anxious.
And I can’t function in clutter.

+I read through every single post on EZ’s list to determine the
tone of this blog-along in order to write mine accordingly.
This was more difficult to write then I had hoped.

So here I am. Just your average, everyday, screwed up first worlder.

How about you?

18 Comments

    • Thank you for all your love and support.

      Reply
  1. You did a GREAT job compiling this list. Don’t be ashamed of having depression, I myself suffer with type 2 bipolar (less severe form), severe anxiety disorder, panic disorder, PTSD and severe insomnia. You have NOTHING to be ashamed or scared of in regard to your diagnosis. Your post has inspired me to blog about what terrifies me for next week and I thank you for that. My list might be pretty whacky to some because I’m scared of the strange stuff, like trains and semi trucks. I’m also terrified of tornadoes and I live in Wisconsin where we always have those darn things. So here’s a pat on the back, you did a great job!

    Reply
    • Thank you. Trains and Semis scare the begeebees out of me too – something that large shouldn’t be allowed to drive that close to my little car. =D

      Reply
  2. Congrats on a courage to say (write) all this! Most people can’t admit to themselves how they really feel, let alone blog about things they’re afraid to tell someone. I hope you felt proud of yourself after you posted this.

    Reply
    • Thank you. This was very difficult to write and I am glad I did…I don’t know if I feel better…but I do feel more open to it.

      Reply
  3. Thank you for being so brave. I recently tried to stop taking my happy pills, and had to teach myself all over again that there is nothing wrong with taking them, and that right now, I need them to be me. I wish more people would be honest about mental illness, but considering I still do battle with myself over whether I need to or not, I can’t blame anyone for not wanting to share that. Thank you for making me feel less alone today.

    Reply
    • Thank you. I am so glad this was a help to you. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

      Reply
  4. Thanks for being so brave! I too have had depression in the past. The more we talk about this, the less shame and stigma will be associated with the condition.

    Reply
  5. Wow, good for you! You’ve already posted a lot of my list already. :-) I think a lot of people don’t feel confident in what they’re doing, and yet we just forge ahead anyway. Heck, I run a successful syndication business, and it still scares the crap out of me every day.

    Reply
    • Thank you! And thank you for sharing your fear. I hope to work up to your level of confidence soon. Small steps everyday. :-)

      Reply
  6. You are amazing! How raw are you? Thank you for being so vulnerable. I’m scared to do this post … maybe that could be my first line … LOL!
    Nice getting to know this part of you.
    xo Tara

    Reply
    • Thank you! This was the toughest post I have ever published and I am really glad I did because I have met all of you. :-) I can’t wait to see yours.

      Reply
  7. I read every post on EZ’s list too! But because I just found the whole thing so dang refreshing, yours included. It’s nice to know that not everyone in blog land is so perfect like it sometimes seems.

    Reply
    • Thank you. I am so glad this got started. It feels cleansing somehow: as if the creative internet community rebooted.

      Reply
  8. “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and have no real plan.”

    Yeah, I’ve been waiting decades for the answer to this one! And I don’t have a plan either…

    Reply
  9. Wow..I admire your courage for writing this. Just reading this post I feel already connected with you, because I’m very similar to what you described in here. By the way, I apologize for the belated comment. I see it was posted on May, 3 , and now it’s June, 3. LOL!
    I’ll come by more often in the future! Again, thanks for sharing! -Sun Hee

    Reply
    • Glad you stopped by. It was tougher to write than I thought it would be, but very liberating. I suggest this exercise to anyone (even if you never publish).

      Reply

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